I was so full of hope then...inspired and vibrant...believing this talent alone could take me to fame and fortune. Yet now that I'm here, realizing that those things aren't enough. At this moment I'm at lost especially that the people around me still don't understand what am I doing...where are the material gains? So what does it mean to be recognized? I'm barely surviving...none of my Obras where really sold. Commissioned pieces are not what I meant but those where I truly express myself....bu in fact, even commission portraits aren't that plenty too. 
   After the 4th unfruitful show I buckle down and made me thoroughly self-assess my situation. I feel trapped. 
   I thought I was truly brilliant. And the world would be better for these....Yet brilliance can't put food on your table. 

   I would probably give myself just a few more months then I'll take a bow. I can not sustain my art in this situation. I feel lost and even trapped to where I am now. What happened? 
   What is ahead for my art if there is very limited influence where I can share my visions? 

   There was also some alterations and skip on my Intermittent Fasting/Eating expected I can't keep up.  The smoking still gone worst. 

 Necessity is the Mother of invention but Laziness is the Father of adaptability.


I want somebody to share

Share the rest of my life

Share my innermost thoughts

Know my intimate details

Someone who'll stand by my side

And give me support

And in return

She'll get my support

She will listen to me

When I want to speak

About the world we live in

And life in general

Though my views may be wrong

They may even be perverted

She will hear me out

And won't easily be converted

To my way of thinking

In fact she'll often disagree

But at the end of it all

She will understand me

I want somebody who cares

For me passionately

With every thought and with every breath

Someone who'll help me see things

In a different light

All the things I detest

I will almost like

I don't want to be tied

To anyone's strings

I'm carefully trying to steer clear

Of those things

But when I'm asleep

I want somebody

Who will put their arms around me

And kiss me tenderly

Though things like this

Make me sick

In a case like this

I'll get away with it


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