And Still on Re-Evaluations and My Long Lost Son

More or less 5 years ago my life as an employee ended with too many uncertainties. In and out of job for almost 30 years and haven't really grown much in all aspect. 

   September 3, 2009 was the day I've decided not to serve the corporate world and gear myself to carve my own path as an artist. It was a forced decision actually...by fate? I believe we create our own path sometimes in random cases. Connections was the most important element of my working data...and realized I'd never really work hard but relied only in fortune. 

   Painting faces came as a blessing in disguise. But it doesn't came that easy....there were extreme hard times.
    Henna stories were some of the sad details. Humiliation and realization that I am still a wasted fool....the scamp. 
    Age has refined me...now I think I'm done with foolishness....

    Hearing Julie's voice once again flashes some painful memories...if I could categorized that as the most excruciating part of my life. After 18 years she would finally reveal to me that Zander is my son. All that I've suspected were actually true....but perhaps Julie made the right decision all along. She can't have the life she wanted. Hiding him from me would make it easier for her...I was a nobody then...and still a nobody today. 
   Have I hardened my heart now or the emotion was to incredible for me to admit. Zander seems to be a nice young man anyway. He grew up a courteous young man even without me. 

   I can't even support my own craft and still gliding and sliding like a fallen leaf. 


   Still wasting on nonsense and impulse. Like a kid jumping in joy with small gifts and extravagant selfies. 

   Now i can already feel the creaking bones and sagging muscles. My soul was also tired and in fact even broken. My time.....
   Time to accept these crown of thorns.