I barely recall how it felt how that dream realization occur after Dr. Gloria told me the good news that I would be sent for a Free Visual Art workshop at Cultural Center of the Philippines. The vivid memories vanishing one by one.... only ghostly shadows... faded images....
Yet it was still the happiest moment of my life. I didn't even wanted that moment to end... wishing how I could time travel and relived every detail.
Despite all the frustrations and hurt and ache.... and failures I still want to be an Artist. For how can one retire from being an artist. It's in your system, that's how you were made to operate.
What if I really did try my best, fought, and never gave up easily?
Would I have made myself now a name? Established so to speak like the rest of my contemporaries.... but I had made so many bad decisions.... chose to rebel and doubt my Creator. Was it too late now?
I think I was made to passed and experience all those things anyway.... God can turn misfortune and even my misbehavior into something that would be useful for His own plan.
Was I now a missionary?
Maybe I was proven not worthy anyway, change of directions, and the consequences of my previous actions has now filed up to retrieved itself. Save me from destroying myself even further. If I had been successful then, at that inexperience and pride lurking could sent me away, down to the abysmal degeneration.
But I really have to Thank those people who came.... they inspired me.... yet I come very short.... failings... fallen.... drifted....
Some names hardly mentions at all.... forgotten faces too... it was a joyous moment that lingers and nothing can surpass at all, at this point, even if I had made it somehow to be shown.... I would not even dare to expound the details for it would shame my own pedestal.... I can not denounce my throne.
I'm so sorry, I failed....
I gave up.
You wont understand me at all for I my self really don't know what I can make of any sense. It just this ultimate reality that a person, a wheat can not co-mingle with thorns. The parables....choking....
Perhaps I was thinking a lot the way I remember him back then while I was painting this.... soft-spoken, highly talented young artist, inspiring.... maybe, just maybe.... this is how I see him now at the back of my mind, it's like being transported back to the future in the present tense... I was looking at his photograph but still referencing at the back of my mind how I see him before.... It amazes me as I think how the worldwide web transported us back and forth from the past to the future... and vice versa ....
And here I am, now a bit older too and yet becoming a neophyte artisan once again, face to face, a student that barely knows much....still seeing my mentor as a young master.... except those increasing facial hair that are turning gray like mine.
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