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| Maid in Eden 5, 2017 |
That day when I've asked God why He had given me this gift, if it seems to go against the norms of the art scene or.... why it's not working well in my life? With that question in mind I begun a Self-search from both within my artistry and take a deeper look into my personal relationship... a question in itself about "Why we are here?"
Being a truth seeker at a very young age, the interest begun perhaps when I was in High-school from those free Bible given by Gideon 300; you know those small blue pocket size book with The New Testament plus the Psalms and Proverbs got me into casual reading... even if I barely understand English back then, especially the KJV version with those old English text that make it even harder to absorb but I persist and have read it from cover to cover for more than half-a-dozen times maybe. I'm not sure if they are still giving away Bible in schools today....today, when it is greatly needed.
Being a truth seeker at a very young age, the interest begun perhaps when I was in High-school from those free Bible given by Gideon 300; you know those small blue pocket size book with The New Testament plus the Psalms and Proverbs got me into casual reading... even if I barely understand English back then, especially the KJV version with those old English text that make it even harder to absorb but I persist and have read it from cover to cover for more than half-a-dozen times maybe. I'm not sure if they are still giving away Bible in schools today....today, when it is greatly needed.
That Love for God-almighty had always been carved in my heart. None of my parents are avid church-goer, although it is from my Father where the quest for truth came from. Most of the soundbites that lead me to a serious journey was from him.
It was these search for Truth (The Kingdom of God) had constantly been my aspiration in life. Yahushua/Jesus Christ is my beacon and my hiding-place.
I'm not a Religious person, don't need to be.... I just love God Yahuwah with all my heart and soul. There is a difference, but we will not go to that for now....
Although there was that constant battle, a struggle within my flesh... the desire to lean on my own understanding and to submit to the will of the carnal mind.... which was obvious, in my artwork as well.
There is that need for me to tell you that background, despite trying not to over-express my faith and sound preachy on this "Art" blog, it is unavoidable because that relationship with God always correlate with whatever I do, even if, to tell you honestly that most of the time, there is that struggle... a failure to meet my own expectations.
Our Existence in this planet, err our world would always burden me to share... through my paintings. I don't consider my portraiture's, still-life's, nor other regular scenes as the true reflection of what I truly wish to showcase... I always wanted to paint my "thoughts" and "emotions", most of the times impulsive, sporadic, and random....
To be honest, it is usally all about what I want, a pleasure seeking self that want affirmation and even praises all for myself. To glorify God? I don't know... perhaps from time to time, Yes.... yet still, it feels to me that I am only using His Holiness as a marketing tool.
Let's admit it, whenever we plan, usually God has nothing to do with it, He's rarely included in our ambitions and goals.
There are just things and situations where we simply just have to accept, being a Christian specifically..... because we know that there are things that seems beneficial to a man but actually is the way to death.
It was these search for Truth (The Kingdom of God) had constantly been my aspiration in life. Yahushua/Jesus Christ is my beacon and my hiding-place.
I'm not a Religious person, don't need to be.... I just love God Yahuwah with all my heart and soul. There is a difference, but we will not go to that for now....
Although there was that constant battle, a struggle within my flesh... the desire to lean on my own understanding and to submit to the will of the carnal mind.... which was obvious, in my artwork as well.
There is that need for me to tell you that background, despite trying not to over-express my faith and sound preachy on this "Art" blog, it is unavoidable because that relationship with God always correlate with whatever I do, even if, to tell you honestly that most of the time, there is that struggle... a failure to meet my own expectations.
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| 1995, Bubog sa Dilim |
To be honest, it is usally all about what I want, a pleasure seeking self that want affirmation and even praises all for myself. To glorify God? I don't know... perhaps from time to time, Yes.... yet still, it feels to me that I am only using His Holiness as a marketing tool.
Let's admit it, whenever we plan, usually God has nothing to do with it, He's rarely included in our ambitions and goals.
There are just things and situations where we simply just have to accept, being a Christian specifically..... because we know that there are things that seems beneficial to a man but actually is the way to death.
"Perhaps self knowing is the only travel worth taking"
Everything has come to a point only about vanities.... even this blog is just about me.... yet we need to survive, the carnal phases.... so that torn pieces you may not or we may not understand the meaning of it all... just pieces of the puzzle that if we try to connect or glue together would still be wanting.
and ever wanting.....
For more info why I am using the name Yahushua, click:
Why Yahuwah & Yahushua?
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