I can not just Fade into Nothing
I will continue....for what? Strange isn't it that I was somehow popular among artisan but virtually unknown in the art scene? It was probably my ranting and real talk....beside being truly talented. Without malice I can truly say that I am a raw talent....that has evolve in a very short span of time.
Filled with so many expectations....enormous amount of faith without a single drop of doubt but then I'm still a failure.
Today I've felt really consumed...all the vices that had crept in my systems are paying off....and slowly I can feel my decay....the pain and symptoms are becoming more intensified.
As much as I am developing to a true Sensei which upgraded in terms of visual impact, I can not create with ease anymore....since I'm already experiencing various signs of mismanaged aging.
Not now because it is too soon to leave my children....I can not leave them without the assurance that they will survive.
The end of the World is already here...the process is already functioning....
Elijah want to pursue College.....and I feel incompetent, coward, irresponsible, and selfish for not being able to provide very swiftly....again, if only those bad luck didn't come so very often as it should....as if heaven has shut its door for me. "You can not be too happy in this life"
Zander by the way, told me that he is now working as construction worker.
Even small tourney were obviously I've done better piece and yet it was beaten by lesser rendition. Now you know you can not be a rebel....
I can not connect my thought...I'm dizzy and tired and yet must reserve my energy for another event tomorrow in Lipa City.
God give me strength and enlightenment...always need your support. Send me league of Angels to minister to me.
I must continue the mission... as I was thinking now of removing that Mission on my middle name.
|Zander, my son's artwork|