The Artist's Realizations

Been into so many things these past days....trying to improve my craft. It just hit me that I wasn't really taking these business seriously, taking for granted the Likes and the almost near performance art approach on my gallery. Getting old without really making a remarkable mark.    This playfulness and randomness distort my skillful rendition. As I look how my contemporaries carefully treat their stages as an artisan with finesse, I've just saw myself a bit mediocre. Leveling even to the younger generation whose artistry are already going somewhere while I carelessly walk without aim. 
   I focus on multiple things....trying to achieve so many things at once. I produce more item this way but not extra ordinary as I did before during my younger years. As I turn to look at my collections, I really don't have something to showcase. 

   Once more I started another visual manuscript....Yes another one, almost an addiction despite the budget I have to allocate for these....somet…

Getting use with the pain.... but then at times you realized you are cornered in to a place and time where your life is useless and a mess. Those little choices you've made in the past are now building up and awakening into a monster. 
Bad luck sometimes comes in pair and even in troops....and if this misfortune had been there for the longest time it is no longer bad luck but sort of a curse. 
There are choices and even dreams we had that aren't really meant for us but we blindly listen to our hearts than reality.
This passion of mine had been very consuming and most of the time wasteful...though I wish not to call it a waste...maybe for now.... I can not construct my thought for now properly for the pain that still fresh.... my mind in fragment....incoherent and unreal....I'm decaying.... 
So my therapy continue....  I will survive. This one will pass away too.